This is Ponderous....

(great song by 2nu, by the way)

anyway, i think my x-b/f and i are channelling each other. yesterday we both bought wunderbars. also yesterday i was thinking that i should download some smashing pumpkins songs. then, this morning when i logged on there were all 5 of their songs in our dl library. how weird is that?? i guess when you live with someone long enough there really is a shared psychic engergy. talk amongst yourselves.

today has been a long day already- up 4 hours now (since 4:20) and have been downloading silly songs like that crazy frog song and green eggs and ham by moxy fruvous (and dr. seuss) and some selections from monty python.

i like today!

am 90% decicided to go to vancouver for a few days in may before i start work. any ideas on what i should see? last time i was in vancouver i fell in a tide pool and got grossed out by the big orange slugs. let me know.

I am Weak

Soooooooooooooo..... I didn't clean the fridge. But! I did walk to Old Navy and spend the rest of my Christmas gift certificate! So..... I was productive! LOL

Went to see La Boheme last night. Volunteering for the Opera has its perks. I thought it was really good, although I STILL don't get why Mimi and Rodolfo broke up in the first place.... seemed like kind of an arbitrary decision. Like... "well I love you and you love me, I'm dying sooooooooo let's break up in the spring!" If anyone gets it, call me.

Can't wait for next year's Opera lineup- Don Giovanni, Barber of Seville and Macbeth. Should be fun.

So tonight my friend Dianne is dragging me out for a "girls night." Not sure how I feel about that. At least no one will be smoking there! If anyone gets this blog in time, you are more than welcome (Suite 69 after 9:30!) She says no men allowed, but I am hoping for eye candy at the very least. There were lots of guys at the Opera... usually being towed along by some little thing in tall shoes. Then there was the "not interested" crowd... lots of those there. lol

Baaaaaahhhh anyway I gotta go to work in a little bit. Maybe I'll be brave and clean the fridge later today. We'll see.

A5-35 Anyone??

Soooo...... I found some muscles in my back while shovelling snow about whose existance I had previously been ignorant. Well, really I found them the next day. It's all good now tho'- haven't been stuck in days and my parking stall is money!

SPEAKING of money... anyone want to give me some? Just for fun? Idk why I even need it, really, but it's always good to ask. LOL

Ummm.... so this blog is about procrastination. I'm doing laundry which is cool, but I had also planned on cleaning the fridge out today. It's 2pm now and I am still avoiding it. Does that make me a bad person??? /sigh

K. Time to get brave. Wish me luck.

Istanbul, not Constantinople

Having been stuck in snow 9 times in the past 3 days has forced me to one decision:

I AM GOING TO CANADIAN TIRE TO BUY A SNOW SHOVEL AT THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE CONVENIENCE. (which really has been any time today, but downloads and sorting through paperwork have been priority.) Now, however, I have my very own download of Istanbul not Constantinople so I'm probably good to go. LOL

And why is it that you can find wierd, obscure stuff like Istanbul not Constantinople and can't find every day stuff like the Rolling Stones' Sympathy for the Devil??? I don't get it.

And how is it that Timmy's coffee still tastes ok when it is cold?

Thought for the day: (2 actually)

"Tis better to die on your feet than to live on your knees" - E. Zapata

"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese Proverb

Tough Day

Yep today was a toughie. I've been sick again so I am tired of coughing.

Also I have been giving so much to keep the peace that I think today I am empty. I haven't batted an eyelash over DVDs lost, pieces of furniture to be replaced or the charges to change names on the utility bills. I think I handled the new girlfriend thing quite graciously. I've dealt with the sudden demands for extra cash to pay for "my half" of whatever.

What got me though was when I was asked if I wouldn't mind sleeping at my parents place tomorrow night so new g/f could stay over because she has a dental appointment in the morning. Then what got me was when A told me that he couldn't possibly go to the Oiler game (for which we bought tickets months ago and about which I asked two days ago) on Thursday night because she might get upset.

I gave all I had in me. Now, I'm just empty.

First Scanner Attempt!

This is Louis! I don't know how to turn the photo sideways so you'll just have to suck it up if you want to see him. LOL

Some Songs for the Brokenhearted :-)

These songs give me hope- if the Fruvous and Gwen have gone through it, then I know I'm in good company. Besides.... Gwen got Gavin!! There's hope!

Don't Speak- No Doubt
You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

(chorus)
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

(chorus)

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

(chorus)
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't speak,don't speak, don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good, I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh
Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts


Fly- Moxy Fruvous (live version)
Here's a song from the album Wood that's about the moment when you realize the someone that you really love, that you really care for, when you both realize that you're just not right for each other and it's a song about that feeling. And it's called Fly.

When you've played out As the World Turns
You don't need soaps to clean your mind
Every little child learns
If you can't see dreams, your eyes are blind
Was it just a fool's impression?Such an antiquated passion.
On the day they both conspired to ride the midway after dark
They had enough of their pride to not bring coins to this amusement park
And she held his hand to follow
And he held his breath, then let go
They crouched down low.
Sat in the front row.(the rest joining)
Untied the rope so they could fly
Hold on tight, let's get it just right,
We'll take our last flight. You and I.
So they cried inside while their eyes smiled
There was no turning back for two
Erase the memory stockpile
All alone, and one thing left to do
In the rollarcoaster shadows,
They took off their shoes and bared their souls
They crouched down low.
Sat in the front row
Untied the rope so they could fly
Hold on tight (hold on tight),
let's get it just right (come on now, let's get it right - now)
We'll take our last flight. (and take our last flight)
You and I.
And she held his hand to follow
And he held his breath, then let go (let go)
They crouched down low
Sat in the front row
Untied the rope so they could fly
Hold on tight (hold on tight),
let's get it just right,(come on now, let's get it right, now)
We'll take our last flight.(and take our last flight)
You and I.Hold on tight (hold on tight),
let's get it just right,(come on, come on, come on)
We'll take our last flight.(and take our last flight) You and I.

Just enjoying the lyric searches and downloads. LOL enjoy :)

gET A GRIp

Okokokok

before you start to dredge the river below the high-level bridge for my remains read this. I am sad, but I am ok. Mostly I am doing okay and can see the positives in my situation and am actually looking forward to being on my own and able to do w/e I want. But, that being said, on the flipside I am sad that I may lose someone about whom I care deeply. (And no, I don't want him back.) I am hopeful that friendship is in the future for us, but life has a funny way of putting everyone in their place, regardless of individual wishes. So, we'll see. A friend recommended a three month cool-down before trying the friendship route. She's a smart woman.

So, today I hope. And I look to the future with a big smile and stars in my eyes.

Sad Day

Today is a sad day. Today I have to start sifting through papers, items and 'remember-whens' to separate myself from my 4 year partner. I've broken up from two long-term relationships and I'll tell you something: it's much easier when both parties are angry, mean and hurtful. It's much, much harder when both parties are sad, lost and regretful. Just when I need my protector to hold me and make me feel safe I have no one. I've cried a thousand tears but I know that this is just the beginning and when I start to feel better some memory from the good times will sneak in and eviscerate me. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in 6 months when he is gone and I have numbed around the edges. But, that's not possible and for the next two months we are going to have to un-learn our love of each other and part as friends, never to see one another again.

I feel so lost but I am assured in knowing that A is making a choice that will be best for him. He has changed and I am still myself, for better or for worse. He is growing and where he goes I can not follow anymore. My heart breaks but I try to put on a brave front because it is easy for neither of us. I despair for all the plans and dreams that will remain unfulfilled. I weep for others that lose him, not just for myself. I cry, but I know I will survive this. And still, I cry.