More Ups and Downs

Argh. Been a tough couple of days. R is now living with my brother and her Auntie J out in the country. It's a good place for her because she and J get their own bedrooms as well as a WII and Guitar Hero 3 to play with. (My brother insists that he doesn't want R to get bored. Funny how he had 4x more turns than the rest of us when we went for supper on Sunday lol)

The house is really quiet now (good, I guess) but R's fish aren't great company.

The good in the last couple of weeks is that we were finally FINALLY driven to get a couch. So, we actually have a NEW piece of furniture. The couch is brown corduroy and fit 5 sitting comfortably or 2 adults sleeping comfortably or 2 adults and 2 cats com... well you get the picture. No, it's not a sectional and yes, I'll get a photo and post it and some pics of J and R as soon as I either get a new chip for my camera or go to my parents to burn a cd of my old pictures so I can empty my current chip. whew.

I think all of the excitement in the last while wasn't so good for me, tho'. I kinda had a meltdown Sunday night that lasted all day today and resulted in me sleeping from 10am to about 4 today. I guess I needed the sleep after all the mental angst. I do have a little explaining to do at school tho' because I was supposed to present my "teaching speech" today but I slept right through it. I think a trip to my doc is in order asap for a grade-saving note and maybe a prescription renewal since this recent trip to crazytown really really sucked. I know we all have our ups and downs but how can I describe to you how I feel?

Imagine being a little furry monkey in a cage that you sometimes can't stand and hate with an absolute passion. You loathe this cage and everything it does. You feel like the cage has never served you well and that others can't stand it, even as you cling to its bars. This cage serves no good purpose, in fact everything it does seems an exercise in futility and wortlesness. Sometimes the furry little monkey is ashamed of who it is and what it's done with the last 10 years. Sometimes it feels like drowning itself in anything because it no longer wants to burden others with its problems or personality.

I know this sounds extreme and scary. Trust me, it is. Dude tells me it freaks him out. I said, try being on the inside sometime.

The good news is, the furry little monkey (hey, wait! Who am I calling a furry monkey? lol. At least I'm cute.) takes some good drugs that make all those swirly opressive bad feelings sink into a quiet place where they are still around, but not taking everything over. The furry little monkey also has an angel called Derek who, even though he doesn't understand, has promised to stay and be the one solid thing in my life I can hold on to. There are times when it's all too much to handle and I know I'm being difficult. I apologise for that. I also know that I am blessed in a thousand different ways: in my family, in my health and in my friends and when those bad times come, it is these lifelines to which I cling.

And now, for something completely different:

A bison pooping.