Observations

I've often felt an outsider in social situations. In fact, there are very few places in life in which I feel fully comfortable. Today I find myself reflecting on this and have come to some conclusions. It is when I feel like I truly belong that I am at ease. My search for my niche in life will be temporarily suspended only when I find the circumstances that combine to allow me to be myself. Some of the pieces to this puzzle have been in place a long time, and some are recent additions... today I feel like I've had an illumination that's allowed me to look objectively at the situation.

1- my family. this situation is not a given; I know many who do not feel comfortable with their families and I count myself lucky to have this comfort. Perhaps because my family is so different from one another I am able to fully be myself and fulfil my rightful spot.

2- my friends d&d and k. although we've changed a lot over the last ten odd years I feel like I don't have to pretend to be someone else with these friends. I am not on my guard with them, I know that I can show them all of my ugly parts and although they may not agree with me I know they will not turn me away. Because there have been tough times I know I can depend on them.

3- the Dude and his Family. they truly feel like a family to me. they're natural people with their own issues but they've all made me feel like one of the family and I can honestly say that I feel at home with them.

4- my friends at university. I am so happy at school. I thought it might be because at last I am going in a positive direction in my life, but today's epiphany disproves that to some extent. today, during a discussion in class, I realized that I can really talk to these girls and we genuinely all like and understand each other. we all come from different backgrounds and live very different lives, but because of these differences we are able to communicate on an effective and enriching level. I feel truly at home at school and am already saddened by thoughts of convocating and leaving this comfort zone.

I don't know if this feeling of comfort and satisfaction will always happen in life... I know I've yet to feel this in a job. I hope that when I am in the right place, career-wise that I will know. So far, all indications are ...Yes. It's a nice feeling to know that I now have enough self-awareness to BE aware of my "happy places." In the knowing comes the ability to acknowledge and appreciate.