Sweet and Sour

Spent some more time with Dude this weekend. It's so weird dating someone new. You go from a long-term relationship where you can divine the answers from empty air to not knowing anything. And, I mean ANYthing. In a way it's really fun because it's all new and interesting and every situation has a new solution. But, sometimes it's tiring. LOL Sometimes it would be nice to just know.
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Last night I found out that someone I work with has passed away. Really unexpectedly. Naturally I am shocked and saddened... but I also feel guilty. You see, this person was known in my circle as "Mean Matte." She could be a very nice person but she was also known to be really mean and nasty for no apparent reason. Matte and I had our ups and downs, that's for sure. I feel really bad because maybe I should have tried harder to get to know her, to bite my tongue when she wasn't nice to me. I'm really hoping to go to her funeral so I can see the other side of her- maybe she was a happier person away from work; away from snippy little things like me. I know that I didn't have a big impact on her life or subsequent death and maybe I am fooling myself into thinking that her funeral will give me peace but....... I just don't know what else to think.